01 02 03 lover of the light: Acceptance 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33


Let's talk about acceptance. Life is hard, but beautiful, and you can't force it. You can't force anything, well you can, but if you do it will not have the same charm as it if were given to you on natural occasions. Past week I literary didn't go out at all, all I did was siting at home studying, and to be honest I get really depressed when I have to study much and don't do anything else. I'm a creative person, I finished highschool as a fashion designer, and I spent 4 years expressing myself trough my hands. When I don't do something that I can see, and feel as my work I get depressed because it feels like I didn't do anything. Of course when you study you learn, but you can't feel physically that work, you can't see it, it feels good when you pass an exam, but it's not enough.. I fell in depression when I didn't get in at the academy, I literary sat 2 weeks in my room and tought about my life and felt like I wasn't enough. It makes you feel underappreciated when something like that happens. Then I got into philosophy and art history. Well, at first I hated it, I wasn't used to sit around all day and study. But as the years passed by, and now I'm second year, I got it together. When one door closes another one opens, and this time it was a good one. I spent my whole first year of college feeling miserable that I didn't get to the academy, and couldn't find pieces to put together, to help me accept that fact, the fact that I now study something else, and I can't back down now because of many reasons. But then it hit me. You can't look for something that will help you accept the situation you're in, you just have to del with it, all you need is yourself. If you feel lost in the place you are right now, you have to talk to yourself, see what is it that you really want. So, I sat down with myself and got into thinking. When I tought about my past successes I was very proud of myself, because I got out of my hometown, wich is pretty, but little depressing, I live in amazing city, with my amazing boyfriend, and I study pretty much also, amazing things. Do you know how much philosophy can help you with anything? And art history, at the begging it's (to me) a little bit boring, cuz I'm a modern art person, but it teaches you about culture, about awesome people, their work and for me, it teaches you the things that matter. For Christmas last year I got to talk with an amazing person. She is a relative from my father's side, and she graduated as an art historian, an got to work as a curator with live artists. When she spoke to me I felt blessed, just hearing how sublime it is to be something like that. It got me thinking how one day I can do something like that, not exactly but I have pretty much a big plan. :) I started to think that all the people from the academy will at some point in their lives, have to come to me to open their exhibits, and I can be the one who will made the decision. So I decided that it's time to be really good at what I do. It opens up horizons you know. I will have enormous amount of knowledge, and experience, and all of that put together, will be my product, something that combines practice ant theory, something that is my goal to move forward to. At first year I met my professor from highschool at my college. I told him how I didn't get in to the academy, and he said to me ''If you really love to do something, you will always find a way.'' My boyfriend told me that if I'm the best at what I do, when the time comes to choose, I will be the one who will choose, not allow to be chosen.  So I got it together and made peace with my situation. As people, we are mostly unsatisfied with our life positions, we always want more from life, we always wait for something, weekend, summer, end of the year, and we can't make peace, but I figured it out. Making peace with your life is the key to happiness. If you accept situation you are in it will come your way. You have to start from where you are and use what you got. If you don't like it, than change it, but if you can't for some reason, just think of maximizing your options. I won't reveal my plans for the future, but do you know how much you can actually do when you finish art history and philosophy? In my mind there is a plan. And when you do your best to fulfill that plan nothing can stop you, you just have to make peace with yourself and your life. And if we speak it he matter of you being accepted to other people. Well I think that is unnecessary, because if you make peace with yourself, you won't need other people to accept you, your thoughts, feelings, life views, you will be good. So, think about it, use the best you have and make something today that your tomorrowself will be proud of. Everything changes, and we have to live with the movement of life. Accept the situation you are today, use the best you got, and when change happens you will realize why it happened when you started making the best of what you got TODAY!

Yesterday, Marija and I found an amazing place near Trsat in Rijeka, it looks like remaining of an old antique temple, and it was really awesome.Our time spent together helps me to relax, talk about really important stuff in life, (philosophers :)) and it kind of charges my batteries. I couldn't decide for less pictures because of the location, and the amazing stuff I'm wearing. Shirt I ordered from Šaptač cipelama, wich is Croatian fashion website, and has lovely things. I must confess I'm kind of in love with their clothes. The skirt is from H&M, hat too, the bag is Cambridge Satchel, and heals are Jeffrey Campbell. Most of the stuff is ordered online. Here is a link for te website I ordered my shirt from http://www.saptaccipelama.com/ so you can find some pretty stuff for yourself, and that will be all for today. I'm really looking forward to write next week. Love S.

35 36 37 38