01 02 03 lover of the light: Por sui 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Por sui

34
When was the last time you did something you enjoyed with your full being? When was the last time you had an amazing lunch and just stopped and realized wow this is so jummy? When was the last time you stood under the shower and tought I really like how the water is poring down my body? Well that's the problem. We don't enjoy things to the greatest. When we do something even if it's amazing we are not fully enjoying it, only on the surface, and you know why? We don't appreciate things whan they happen. When you eat something you think about how tasteful it is but you don't live trough that delicious bite.. Most of the time I'm very busy, mostly studying and going to college, and when I come home very hungry all I think about is the fact that I wanna eat anything just so I can drink my afternoon coffee after. My point is that we don't spend enough time living trough usual but amazing moments. Small things are very important, because if you can't appreciate small things that make you happy or some small lovely thing someone else does for you, you will never be happy. Big things don't happen on daily basics, and that is a fact. I get excited about everything, literary if I see something small like unusually small I get happy because it's cute. I don't like people who don't burn for anything, you must have something in your life that will make you happier, that will make your skin tense, and your heart jumping, even if it's a really small thing like seeing sunshine in the morning, drinking coffee and smoking on the balcony in february. But the true thing you should be excited is you own existence. Do you know how blessed you are with the fact that you have yourself, that you have something no one can ever take away from you, that is you soul. Most valuable things in life are those who other people can't take away from you, and if you ask me that is your soul, your mind, knowledge you possess, every valuable virtue you own, those are the things that matter most. One day before I fell asleep I was lying in bed and tought about how would it feel to be the person who just does things, a person unafraid of anything that comes in their way, and just does everything that they want to do. Everything you do you do for yourself. That is the fact that I couldn't make peace with for a long time. For almost 20 years of my existence I did things for other people, not because I wanted something back, but because I tought they deserve every best piece of me that I can give to them. It didn't matter how I felt about it, I knew that I am a strong person and whatever happens I will find my way trough it, that I will manage. But as the time went on I started to feel empty, all the hours I spent on coffees with my friends, listening to their problems over and over made me feel better because I could help them with some illuminating advice (haha) but when I got home and started to think about them and their problems, it started to pull me down. I was in too deep, I started to identify myself with them so I could get at the core of the problem and fix it for them. Well that is not how it works. I spent hours and hours obsessing but then I realised, that doesn't concern me, my life is based on other people, their problems, their needs, solutions I've been meaning to tell them just so they can feel better.. My life was empty, I didn't know who I am because I had nothing for myself, not one thing that I could say, hey I enjoy this or no I don't like this.. That state went on for like more than 3 years but then, an enlightment. I started to ask myself, do you like that? How does that make YOU feel? When I started this blog I fell in depression after my first two posts,  called my mom and said ''The world doesn't need another fashion blogger, it needs someone who will make difference, make things better and do something that matters,'' you know that she said? She said ''You don't own anything to the world.'' That sentence started echo in my mind. But it is so true. It is so unbelievably true. I had a calling to be a great philosopher, I wanted to make a difference, and mostly I wanted to help people, I tought that is the best thing I can do with myself, give the best of  what I got to make other people feel better, get them out of their problems, show them the way. But I never tought what is in there for me. I have a tattoo above my knee and it says eu prattein that is ancient greek for ''do well''. I don't regret making that tatoo because it is my life philosophy, to do well and be happy, do well for others when you can, not because you want something in return, but doing well because it makes you feel well and happy to see other people getting better because of you. In state of mind that I have now, my life corresponds with my tattoo, but that is not the only thing I do. I started to do things for myself too. For me that is a new feeling, because I my happiness didn't matter that much to me, as it mattered the happiness of others, but to be true it is one of the best feelings in the world. I feel reborn because that is new feeling and everything new is exciting. I started to feel myself. When was the last time you felt your soul in your body, or touch of your own hand on your skin? I started to do things for myself. I still spend my time making other people feel happy and loved but first I started to put my feelings, needs, and plans in first place. I realised that I can still do things for others same as before, but I will start to pay more attention to myself because that is really important. When you do things for yourself, and when you realize that other people do things aswell for themselves, your fear of anything will be lost. When other people lie to you, you have to realize that they don't do it because of you, they do it for themselves, they lie, because they're afraid that you will realize they're not perfect. When you realize that you will be able to go trough life without fear of rejection by others, or any other fear at all. When you start doing something that is only your own, you will feel free because you will know that even if the things go really bad you will always have that one thing that is purely your own and you can come back to it no matter what, no one else can take it away from you. One of my favourite quotes is ''Leave people better than you found them'' but most importantly, make yourself happy. Not in an egoistic way, but, always have time for your needs, your wants, things that make your being filled up. As time goes on that fact is rooted in my mind, and I decided to be a person that does. I decided that I will do anything to make my dreams come true, even tought that in my journey I am not going to hurt other people, I put myself first because I spent most of my life doing everything for others and I feel like I deserve to, for the first time in m life, to first, make myself happy.

Yesterday was lovely, sunny and adventurous. Even tought it's february, Rijeka is beautiful and sunny without even a one cloud. I guess spring is coming, and I can feel my soul being awaked. You need something that will make you inspired, like adventures Maija and I have, going out, exploring, taking photos, drinking coffee. That is the beautiful side of life, so whenever you have the time I suggest that you seize the day :) Photos are taken onTrsatic fort, I am wearing sweater, polka dot shirt, hat and leather shorts all from H&M wich is one of my favourite brands. I'm going home tomorrow and I am reeeaaally excited to see my mom, can't wait. I will be writing soon so untill then. Love, S. 



















And after a long day of hard work, a jummy deserved coffee. <3

35 36 37 38