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Questioning fear

Lately, my urge to write has doubled. Since the weather in Rijeka is rainy and moody, I didn't get a chance to go out and take some new photos. I guess this rain is helping this thoughtful side of me to think and write. It makes me feel amazing. I discovered that I'm moving fast, with my spiritual growth and understanding things that I couldn't understand few months back. When they say time heals all the wounds I guess they are right because time is an amazing thing. When you think about yourself as a person you were a year ago I guess you will find that you've changed. I can feel how I'm changing, and it's happening fast but I still take a moment now and then to stop and go trough my thoughts just to realize that they are changing from one day to another. Recently I've read some amazing quote, and it goes: ''Make your life an outgoing process of being who you are at your deepest level of being. Everything other than that is secondary.'' That two lines are so powerful and they imprinted in my mind hard so I started to see how it is to live by them. If you want to  become something you always wanted to be you need to constantly change. Few years back from now I was a person who believed in everything, and I mean literary everything, I was an easy target to fool, but recently I've taken a new perspective on things. Skepticism. You have no idea how it is to be skeptic about everything. People mistake when they say that skeptic people are pessimists and non believers, I know it's the opposite of that, I know skeptic people are true believe founders. How recently have you tought about what you believe in, or about your views on things and how true are they? You can't live your whole life believing in just one thing and believe it's true no matter what. That view about taking your believes for granted  is called being na├»ve. When you're skeptic about everything you test, constantly, you explore, and when someone says something and says that it is a fact, it is on you to go and find out if it really is or if it's just something not worth trying. When you start to see things in this perspective, the most extraordinary gift you can get is truth and truth is a really small in this world, it's up to you to find it. When I started to think like this I felt relieved. When someone says that something is bad for you, youcan be an idiot and do it no matter what, or you can listen to that persons advice and go out of your way to see if they are right, and if they are listen. This view on things (for me mostly) has given me freedom to listen to people's advice with open mind and heart, because I know I don't know everything best. It has given me a much wider look on life and every theory about life, it made me question my believes. Questioning everything is actually really good because you can move forward in life. When you question you find. It is easy as that. There is a theory in philosophy and it is called methodological conservatism, and the definition roughly goes like this: if something works let it work, if a problem comes up fix it, but as long if there's no problem let it. I think this is wrong in so many ways. I could use christianity for example of wrong believes but I don't want to offend anyone. Point is this, if you believe in only one thing, only one stand, or view or anything, and if you don't question that believe just for once in your life you will be stuck. You will never be able to change, to grow, to become something, a person that has worth. Lately, I was thinking about feeling good inside yourself. For years I couldn't let myself be the real me because I was afraid of everything, afraid to be person I really am. Recently I've spent much thinking about that than about anything else. Fear is a powerful feeling, but the only thing to befeared is fear itself, because it stops you from life, and gory that life gives. I don't know how I survived with all that fear inside myself. When someone said something that in some way, in my mind, offended me, I automatically start to yell at them and defend myself even if the person didn't mean what they said in way I understood it. That fear held me down to say what I wanted to say because my fear of rejection, or not approval, it held me so tight that I was ok with settling with things I wasn't okay with or things I didn't enjoy.. But there comes a time in your life when you experience something amazing, or (in my situation) open your mind so wide that you cognized all the world and life itself as something that has so much value, and in that moment you realize you will never be able to settle for anything less. Just think about that. Think about how it can be if you lived your life with no fear about future, or saying what you want no matter how the other side will react, or without fear to let your TRUE being to come out and just be. Ask yourself, is that one emotion worth it, is it even real, or you're afraid just because it's easier that way. It will hold you back, fear you know, and there will come situation in your life that will seem so familiar and in that situation you will be forced to ask yourself ''What would happen if I wasn't afraid? Where would I be if I had the courage to say this is not what I want?'' That is the time to jump, when it's hard and you're afraid of staying where you are but you're also afraid of where you can be. Jump. Because if you don't jump then you will end up stuck in the same place for the rest of your life. Question that.

These photos are from last Christmas. My mom took them, she likes to take photos of my face when I laugh because I mostly never laugh on photos, and she says I look grumpy so she makes me laugh all the time. I'm wearing H&M sweater, Berskha jeans and this amazing parka I bought recently. I hope the weather will brighten up soon so I can spend more time taking photos and enjoying the sun. Untill next time. Love, S.

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