Hello lovely people J Today I planned on going back to Rijeka, but collision of events stopped me so I'm staying here on Pag till tomorrow morning. Since its windy and moody I decided to spend my afternoon writing this post. First let me start by saying thanks to the person who wrote anonymous comments on my blog. Unfortunately I deleted the comments because there was swearing, and I don't want that kind of negativity and hate on my blog. To sum up, comments were about my english. Let me apologize to everyone who reads this. I admit I am not so good in english but I try to write the best that I can. I learned english 8 years in primary school and 4 in high school, but my grammar was always bad, only thing that saved me to have an A in subject of english was my speech. But this doesn't matter. These comments inspired me to do my best to learn to express in a more acceptable way possible and to write more meaningful sentences. I send my best regards to this person, and I hope one day he or she will publish something on my blog and sign it, so we can maybe start a healthy relationship. I don't want to judge or anything but 99% of the time, these kind of things are not constructive criticism, but pure acts of hate and jealousy. I don't see much for being jealous at, especially hate, because I write these kind of stuff to promote above all acceptance among all of us, love, positive energy and to inspire one another. If I was the same person I was a few months back I would totally lose it and probably write some awful comment in reply, but since I'm not, I take this opportunity to inspire myself from that and learn something so I will become better. Because in the end what is meaning of a one's life if not self- improvement? People in general are a very complicated organisms, we destroy ourselves, everyone we don't like, we destroy out planet.. We build walls and not bridges, that is the main problem. Most people isolate themselves from the world because they think world can't do any good for them. They stay inside their own created worlds that collapses every time they have to face with a difficult situation, and have to step back to reality. I was like that, and wasn't aware of it until I decided to spend more time in the here and now, and not in my own imaginary world where sometimes, things can pull you down harder than any reality. Having a world of our own is pretty amazing, because inside our little bubble exists magic, world of our imagination, protection, but the problem is that we too often spend out precious hours and minutes there that we don't notice real people, real feelings, real events that happen to us. That leads to destruction. For example, I don't remember almost anything from my last summer spent here on Pag. All I can remember was reading books, and going to Zadar a few times. Reason for that is simple fact that I lived in my mind and not in my body and myself and my reality. Next year when I come here again I will remember everything because I collapsed my walls and built bridges. When I'm sitting on my towel, listening music I feel my energy, I look at all the people around me and I feel them. I feel their energy. I see little kids as they put stones in a bucket, or as they dig a hole on shore, and they are happy even though the hole fills in every time wave comes. I hated kids before because they scream, throw stuff, cry for no reason, but now I see them as brilliant little creatures that need so little for happiness. Filling a bucket with stones, that is pure happiness. On the other side I see two old people, about 80 years old. The old lady is tanning topless, and she doesn't care. Her husband and her are smiling and they are happy. I see all kinds of different people from all over Europe that came here to spend their vacation. Last summer I wouldn't notice anyone of them.. We are all connected. That is why I can say that, when I was grumpy that day and later saw that children playing with the stones, I was so happy. Something overwhelmed me with pure happiness and acceptance. Then I realized that accepting other people is the key. I see many people in conflicts as a third person. When you're an impartial observer, you can see the negative sides from both people who take part in their argument. Main problem is that we can't make peace with others, we can't make peace with how others are, exactly as they are. As humans, our mind categorizes, and we put everything in drawers. Second most common thing we do is generalize things too much. I do that to. Sometimes the situation is so frustrating that it seems to me that is like that all the time. But when I stop and think about that with a clean mind, I can't remember. The reason why I can't remember is because it is not like that all the time, that is just a mistake we all make. The good thing about our memories and mind is that the mind has a selective memorization, and remembers mostly good things. When it comes to us and others, most common mistake is not accepting. I talked about acceptance a few posts back, but this concerns accepting other people. When we hang out, or get into a relationship with someone, we mostly choose. It depends on our situation. You choose your friends, your heart chooses who will you fall in love with, but the only thing you can't choose is your family, that is why it's crucial to start from the family, only tribe that will always be here. Accepting your parents as a teenager was pretty hard, mostly full of fights and arguments. When I went to college, I realized that everything our parents do is for our own good. When you're a teenager you think that you are the smartest person in the world and that every living creature should bow, and kiss the ground you walk on. That is why everything, to which your parent says no, you argue, because you think you know better, well you don't. When I started to live alone with my boyfriend I was still childish, but he was there to stop me every time I wanted to do something really stupid, and I thank him for that. I don't regret much things but I surely regret that I didn't listen to my parents sooner. But now, I accept them as amazing humans as they are, and love every one of their little flaws, because without that flaws they wouldn't be the same parents. My best friend. Well we met in college and it seemed ordinary, but as years passed by we realized it's not like every other friendship, it's nice to have a person that doesn't drain your energy but fills your batteries. In the beginning there was a lot of drinking, partying, deep conversations, but it was all very superficial. Not until our second year of college that we found ourselves as friends. Marija is strange creature, and I wanted to change her, because I see a great potential in her that is just going to waste. I tried for months, but then I realized that she doesn't need changing, and the best thing I can do for her is to just let her be, let her be her exactly as she is with no changes I wanted to made. That day was the day we became such great friends.. Sometimes you meet people and something just clicks, and you feel like they are the one for you, you get into a deep relationship, or get married a few months afterwards, but then, things get hard and you split up, and the reason is some most insignificant little thing. That is why I tell you this. If you love someone, love them, love them for who they are, love them for all their little flaws and mistakes they have, because none of us is perfect. If you think you love someone but have second thoughts, go. Break up and live your own life, because one day you will feel stuck with someone because you will want to change them, and they won't change. You either accept, truly completely accept person, or you break up, I think there is no other option.
These last two weeks here on Pag were amazingly healing to me. I learned so much about myself and the world, but the most important thing I've learned is this. Accept everyone, feel the energy of people around you as they exist, and let them exist exactly as they are, because if you wan to change the world, you have to start from yourself. Build bridges not walls and soon you will se how the world becomes one great field of positive energy and love among us all. I like to think that we all inspire each other for amazing things, and are capable of them. Love always, S.