lover of the light: All things have small beginnings

Hello people! Few more days till New Year :) I'm pretty excited. While I was working on our booth at Christmas fair, I had enough time to sit down with myself, think and write my NY resolutions. Even thought I like to believe that every day is a fresh start and that you're allowed to change completely if you're not pleased with who you are anymore, NY eve is a time of year for me to fastly roll my previous year, see how much I accomplished and start a new year with nothing left for me to carry in it. I like to believe that I leave all the bad stuff behind me, I tell myself ''This is your year.'' and just start from the beginning. We have problems with letting go, especially of the pain and the bad stuff, because the pain makes us feel alive. That hurting we carry inside ourselves becomes a part of our identity and we unconsciously want to keep it because without it we wouldn't know who we are anymore. We identify ourselves as that pain, as all the bad stuff that happened to us and we believe like we're obligated to feel that way for this or that reason. But it's not true, we're not any of that. We're ourselves, we are who we are, not the stuff that happen to us or the bad emotions we carry inside our Being. Before we're anything, we're souls always equal to each other, and everything other than that is just a burden we feel like we're obligated to carry with us. If you don't have enough power to wake up at one ordinary morning and say ''I don't like who I am and I'm not going to be that person anymore.'', you can count down 00:00 at 31st of December and say that. It really is just another ordinary day, but you can make of it a day that you start from the beginning. It's been 365 days that were permeated with all kind of bad stuff, fights, arguments, disputes, but also with good and amazing stuff. It's up to you to take it off, keep all the good, believe and work for every year to do better than you previously did. You can make of it a night of transformation into person you always wanted to be, but never had the guts to do so. It may be cliché and childish, but it's an opportunity. It's all about how you perceive it. Make a list, think about what you want to change about yourself, but start small. Last NY I had so much resolutions that we're so huge and I didn't hold to most of them. I wanted to stop smoking (that was one of the first things on my list) but I couldn't. Well actually I didn't want to, to be honest. I'm a passionate smoker, and one of the best feelings in the world is waking up early, putting on my fuzzy home clothes, having a cup of hot coffee and smoking a cigarette. I didn't want to give that up. That's when I realized that giving up something like that, something that became a part of my everyday life is very hard, especially because I love it so much. This year it wasn't on my resolution list. But, related to that, I decided to stop eating unhealthy food, start running and getting my body into shape. That's not such a big deal. Eating a piece of fruit or salad every day is a small but great change. Separating 30 minutes of every day to go out for a run is also not a big deal, 30 minutes is such a small time frame in a day that has 24 hours, but it is a big change. Start with the little things you know you'll hold on to. Just like I know I'll reduce my number of cigarettes a day when I start to choke in the middle of the street while trying to run but my lungs say 'No, no.''. Getting something off the list is probably one of the best feelings ever. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and that tiny bit of hope that you really are in control of your life. All things have small beginnings. Think about that for a second and start small. The more you work on yourself the better you'll be in every aspect. I believe that one's purpose is self-improvement and that it's the biggest and most important project you'll ever work on. Do it for yourself. Do it for all the things you want but didn't find the strength in yourself to accomplish them. This is your year if you want it to be. All you have to do is start. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I promise it'll be worth it. This is your chance to change. Sea of love. S.